“Emma Call Center” to be soon followed by “Emma Kill Center” [Article written as a news sattire for fakingnews website]

Trusted sources of ruling party of Tamilnadu has told FN that Tamilnadu will soon be seeing the setting up of ‘Emma Kill Center’ similar to its precedent Emma Call Center which was received nicely by Tamil People. The project is still in its draft stage and we got to know that Emma Kill Center will be hosted on a dedicated toll free number 000 across 24×7 that will be supported by hundreds of customer support executives.

[Non Disclosure Agreement: Emma Kill Center is not responsible if you intentionally or unintentionally dial 100 to call Police or 103 to call Traffic Police and inform them about this project as it is against our terms of service]

Images of Proposed Emma Kill Center Customer Service Department

So coming to the point, what is the function of Emma Kill Center? Marketing team of this project which will soon launch intensive ad campaigns to take it to the masses illustrated their idea to our FN Reporter in a creative manner below:

Want to kill someone?

Want to acquire your non performing loan?

Need to kidnap anyone?

Need to threaten anyone?

In search of Goondas to hurt anyone?

Need to hire someone to pour acid on your crush’s face?

Don’t worry all you poor people… Emma Kill Center is there for you…

As the election fever caught up in the state of Tamil Nadu, both the current ruling and opposition party are in a desperate need of money to buy people’s votes by giving some notes! Since Tamil Nadu population has already crossed 6 crores and still on a rise, for giving a mere 5000 Rupees per vote it will cost each party a hefty sum of money. So Emma’s party bearing it in their mind have decided to use their Goondas in an effective manner by rendering their service to general public at a nominal cost. The move is called as a Master stroke by political critics as cheap Goonda service by the party will create positive impression in the minds of people and will motivate them to re-elect the party to continue its Kill Center service!

Images of Emma Kill Center ad featuring Kidnapping Services

And what more Emma Kill Center also gives various advantages to its seasoned customers. The various passes and their tariff rates are as below:

Pass Name	Services Offered	Tariff	Support
Emma Red Pass	Unlimited Kills/Kidnaps/Threatens	50,000/year	Round the clock 24X7 Customer service at your door steps
Emma Green Pass	2 Kills, 3 Kidnaps and 4 Threatens capped/month	45,000/year	Customer service available from 9 am to 6 pm on weekdays and 9 am to 1 pm on weekends
Emma Orange Pass	1 Kill, 2 Kidnaps and 2 Threatens capped/month	40,000/year	Customer service available only from 9 am to 6 pm on weekdays
Emma Monthly Pass	1 Kill, 1 Kidnap and 1 Threaten guaranteed/month	5,000/month with a lucky token which will be included in a prize draw for an exclusive entry as MLA in next Emma Party’s election.	Not available

Here is how you can kill your dear hated ones using our service…

The name “yellow” is intentionally avoided in this naming convention as it reminds of Emma’s fierce rival Kurainanidhi’s towel color…

When asked about it to the general public, Mr. PodhuJanam replied to our Reporter that the state is shining currently because of various Emma Schemes. And to top it up with ‘Emma Kill Center’ is an icing on the cake for Tamil Nadu people. So he pledged that he will surely vote for Emma’s party in the upcoming election to give life to this Emma’s dream project. He also added that for a common man to hire some contract killer or underground Dadha is next to impossible and Emma has yet again come to his rescue…

A sample of our threatening and hurting service for your kind view…

Now I am signing off this post as I have already got a threaten call from Emma Kill Center for my life! See you in my next post if I am alive to write it!